God’s timing is impeccable. I marvel sometimes, as I journey through my days of sometimes a wee bit too much monotony, at how intricately He has woven us all together. While we oftentimes drift through life, His plan for His children maintains its course…
Over the past few years, I have lost a great deal. Family members have walked away; but not without first sending searing darts of accusation into my very soul. Friends have moved on; shunning the precious time and love I invested in our relationship. Circumstances and life have left me bruised and scarred. I allowed marriage and children to consume so much of me that I nearly forgot who I was. After my first marriage ended, I experienced a depression so deep I felt like the living dead. During this season, it was a struggle to keep living.
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel more empty or desperate, and following a succession of major decisions, God began to take my crushed vessel of a spirit, and to slowly piece me back together – one fragile shard at a time.
Starting from nothing is an interesting thing. Relinquishing all control to God is even more so. Watching who He has brought to my life, and who I have learned I need to distance myself from, is a process that I find simultaneously unfamiliar, and oddly comforting. Empowering, even. Moments of revelation when I have realized that what I thought I had lost, was actually more about my personal health and spiritual gain, is a process I wasn’t expecting.
The past few days have given me additional reasons to marvel at this season I am in. There is so much clarity when people reveal who they are, how they truly feel about you, about themselves… I am beginning to realize how very little my relationships have to do with me. Rather, at this crossroad, I realize that it’s more a part of my Lord’s gracious and loving plan for me.