pour out

As I am writing this, I am exactly 41 minutes and 52 seconds into the video that coincides with a bible study I am working on. About 10 minutes ago, the need to pause and text some words of encouragement to a couple of ladies who play a significant role in my spiritual journey. In my life.

Returning to the message, several more women came to mind, and I again paused, until I realized I was absolutely compelled to begin praying for and edifying every precious name that crossed my consciousness. I realized that as I was getting filled up with encouragement and godly wisdom, it became a burden to share it with as many as I could.

When we pour out into other people’s lives, no matter how seemingly insignificant the gesture, God will faithfully, allow opportunities to be filled back up. Whatever we reap we will sow. I have been so blessed in my life, and the most beautiful thing about the cycle is that the more I give out, the more I received.

Who can you pour into today?

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plundering

Having been personally broken by infidelity, and more than once, I’m sure you can imagine I may face difficulty in finding grace for the “other woman.” One may assume I would be bitter, a little hard, quick to judge and slow to forgive. To be certain, there are days it absolutely breaks my heart when thoughts drift to those moments of sheer angst and absolute desolation. The twist, however, is the love and friendship I have with those who have themselves been the destroyer of relationships.

Infidelity plunders. From everyone involved.

I remember one conversation had years ago with one such woman who had dated, and subsequently broken up, a marriage between two people and their two children. The unfaithful husband had told her they were already separated…that the wife was using the kids as collateral to “keep” him. She had justified her wanton ways by choosing to believe the wife was the issue, and  I wondered why it never occurred to her that if this man could not do the right thing and manage his own affairs in order to treat this young woman with the honor and respect SHE deserved, how he could ever be man enough for her.

Ladies, don’t ever settle for sloppy seconds. Don’t “fall” for a man who already “promised” himself to someone else; who has to dishonor his wife and spiritual half to convince you to love him. Never believe for a second that you are more woman and can love him better, for in the end, the issue is neither you nor the wife. The issue is his own failure to be the fullness of who HE was designed to be. You are not better, and she is not less – the liar in the middle does not respect either. Ultimately, he does not respect himself.

New Year’s Day, so many years ago, I received a cell phone call from a woman who had robbed from me. She called to apologize, and we ended up having multiple conversations over the next few years until she confessed that speaking with me made it too hard to put the past behind her. It was a healing season, and I learned some extremely valuable things about her, that helped me learn more about myself, and about “him.”

* She and I are remarkably similar in passions, vision, personality and personal goals. We even worked in similar fields. He pursued what he already had.

* She is a delightful, highly intelligent, extremely valuable woman. So am I.

* She is someone I would be friends with. And I her.

* We are equals; I was not abandoned because she was better than me. I am not better than her.

* She quite possibly had/has more healing to do than I do. Sadly, he has more than either of us.

* Praying for her brings me great peace. And restoration.

* We are equally broken, similarly wounded, each striving to achieve those things we most cherish.

* We both fall short. A lot.

Ladies, we are on the same team. We are so much stronger, today and into our tomorrows, when we nurture and encourage one another in our personal journeys instead of selfishly living in a way that derails others from their purpose. Men, the same goes for you. The root of this entire struggle is a lack of purpose, an inability to fully recognize, own, and pursue our God-given potential and settling for what is easy, accessible, worldly, pleasurable and temporary. Sadly, though, everyone ends up short-changed, and the chasm that remains is never fully reconciled. Ultimately, we are all broken. To point, accuse and hate will foster more of the same. Grace and forgiveness, nestled in between understanding and integrity, will go a long way in fostering a better outcome for all.

I posted a link to a song that brings me great rest. When the struggles and chaos of this life threaten to swallow me up whole, the only thing I can do is to run to the peace that my God provides. Never forget who, and whose you are. We are all in this together.

Shalom.

 

 

kari job

plundering infidelity

Having been personally broken by infidelity, and more than once, I’m sure you can imagine I may face difficulty in finding grace for the “other woman.” One may assume I would be bitter, a little hard, quick to judge and slow to forgive. To be certain, there are days it absolutely breaks my heart when thoughts drift to those moments of sheer angst and absolute desolation. The twist, however, is the love and friendship I have with those who have themselves been the destroyer of relationships.

Infidelity plunders. From everyone involved.

I remember one conversation had years ago with one such woman who had dated, and subsequently broken up, a marriage between two people and their two children. The unfaithful husband had told her they were already separated…that the wife was using the kids as collateral to “keep” him. She had justified her wanton ways by choosing to believe the wife was the issue, and  I wondered why it never occurred to her that if this man could not do the right thing and manage his own affairs in order to treat this young woman with the honor and respect SHE deserved, how he could ever be man enough for her.

Ladies, don’t ever settle for sloppy seconds. Don’t “fall” for a man who already “promised” himself to someone else; who has to dishonor his wife and spiritual half to convince you to love him. Never believe for a second that you are more woman and can love him better, for in the end, the issue is neither you nor the wife. The issue is his own failure to be the fullness of who HE was designed to be. You are not better, and she is not less – the liar in the middle does not respect either. Ultimately, he does not respect himself.

New Year’s Day, so many years ago, I received a cell phone call from a woman who had robbed from me. She called to apologize, and we ended up having multiple conversations over the next few years until she confessed that speaking with me made it too hard to put the past behind her. It was a healing season, and I learned some extremely valuable things about her, that helped me learn more about myself, and about “him.”

* She and I are remarkably similar in passions, vision, personality and personal goals. We even worked in similar fields. He pursued what he already had.

* She is a delightful, highly intelligent, extremely valuable woman. So am I.

* She is someone I would be friends with. And I her.

* We are equals; I was not abandoned because she was better than me. I am not better than her.

* She quite possibly had/has more healing to do than I do. Sadly, he has more than either of us.

* Praying for her brings me great peace. And restoration.

* We are equally broken, similarly wounded, each striving to achieve those things we most cherish.

* We both fall short. A lot.

Ladies, we are on the same team. We are so much stronger, today and into our tomorrows, when we nurture and encourage one another in our personal journeys instead of selfishly living in a way that derails others from their purpose. Men, the same goes for you. The root of this entire struggle is a lack of purpose, an inability to fully recognize, own, and pursue our God-given potential and settling for what is easy, accessible, worldly, pleasurable and temporary. Sadly, though, everyone ends up short-changed, and the chasm that remains is never fully reconciled. Ultimately, we are all broken. To point, accuse and hate will foster more of the same. Grace and forgiveness, nestled in between understanding and integrity, will go a long way in fostering a better outcome for all.

I posted a link to a song that brings me great rest. When the struggles and chaos of this life threaten to swallow me up whole, the only thing I can do is to run to the peace that my God provides. Never forget who, and whose you are. We are all in this together.

Shalom.

 

 

kari job

grow with me.

So many times when I sit down to write, all that wants to come out is surge of emotions. A verbal waterfall of thoughts and repressed, sometimes barely recognizable feelings. One of my greatest gifts is compassion – one of my greatest weaknesses is compassion. I feel deeply, and when abandoned or betrayed, struggle more than I can verbalize. As time has passed, and God continues to work on my heart and mind, the sadness makes fewer and fewer appearances, but will still, in those quiet moments, settle over me like an irrepressible fog.

So I cry.

Only for a moment, though, when I remind myself that those whom I have lost wanted to be set free. If I truly love them in the way that I say I do, I must adhere to, and honor, their choice to position themselves either outside, or inside, my world. A relationship based solely on familiarity or obligation is no relationship at all. Truly, to lose one who doesn’t want to be found, is no loss at all.

Again, I cry.

Every season of life, until my 40’s, I have fought to maintain, to keep, hold on to, fight for, relationships, where really, the only one putting out any true effort was myself. And, I didn’t experience much loss at all. And, I lost everything. For you see, I kept others, and myself, in captivity. Tried to make happen, that which was never truly beneficial, to force into a mold into which it simply did not fit.

I miss some people tonight, I will be frank, but not in the way I have. I am realizing, albeit EXTREMELY slowly, that I am not good for some people. And, as much as it saddens my heart, there are some who just aren’t good for me. Fun maybe. Familiar. But not freeing, and in many ways, suffocating.

Who do you need to let go of? Do you have relationships that are more limiting than promoting? What a tragic waste of time and energy I have spent trying to manage that which only stunted my personal growth and deterred me from following the path I am called to. If you can’t walk the same road, it’s better to lovingly say goodbye than to wallow at the crossroads.

Tonight, there are no tears upon reflection. The writing feels good, especially when I know you all have been there as well. Life is a series of life lessons and opportunities for growth – thank you for growing with me.

don’t panic!

Hello all!! I apologize for disappearing for a while there… An issue with my server has put me in a not so great position, as I have lost a considerable number of posts in the process. BUT, we have until July 2014, so I am hoping to recover all posts and be up and writing again soon!!! Thanks for following!