yes, no, maybe so

There is a scripture in the bible that says to let your yes be yes and your no be no. I have always only ever considered it from the perspective of keeping your word in order to maintain integrity, and trust from others. This week, however, I realized that to be so authentic is also a vital part of trusting oneself.

Recently I had a conversation with someone who turned the topic from the concern I had raised, to something that they felt I had myself done inappropriately. I suddenly felt hot, as my thoughts began to shift from where my thought process had begun, to replaying and evaluating a process I had gone through the previous week.

I doubted my yes.

Perhaps you don’t struggle with this, but my heart has always been to not only do things well, but to be fair in my assessment of self; open to (constructive) criticism and change. In that, sometimes I can doubt myself and question my own decision making and intelligence to the point of not walking in full confidence.

As we grace one another, we need to grace ourselves.

The most remarkable thing I have learned about the bible as an adult, is that the list of rules I thought an insurmountable task to obey, does not exist. Rather, there is a bounty of instructions as to how to live a life of fullness, joy, prosperity and peace. God is not angry when we dismiss His words, but rather sad, as us parents can become, when words of instruction and wisdom fall by the wayside.

We don’t always have to understand the “why,” to reap the benefit.

So this week, walk in confidence. Make a conscious decision to be thoughtful in your processes, then stand by them, knowing you worked it out to the best of your ability with the information you had at the time. Own your yes. Stand by your no. This, is the beginning of integrity.

And peace.

 

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ugly from the inside out

I recently started back at the gym on a regular basis. What others might see as a chore, for me it is truly my safe haven – no expectations from others, quiet space, phone off, and an opportunity to take care of my body. It’s lovely.

A few days ago, I was feeling particularly svelte. It seemed my pants were a TINY bit more comfy, a little more loose, and I was confident that some progress had been made. Upon reflection in my bathroom, mirror, however, I became particularly disheartened as my eyes did not confirm for me what my heart seemed to be communicating.

Ugh.

Change is an awkward thing, and subsequently, most people are not willing to do the work required to actually ever see much of it at all. Several weeks of thoughtful planning, careful execution and faithful diligence to a new routine, ┬áschedule and diet plan didn’t seem to bring with it any sort of reward at all. On the outside, all appeared to have maintained the status quo.

Similarly, when we pursue mental or emotional, spiritual or relational health, it can seem as though all our efforts are met only with more to-do’s, more opportunities for failure (and subsequent guilt), with little to no reward (or praise!) from those around us.

Anyone feelin’ my pain?

The bible talks about going from glory to glory; from mountain top to mountain top. We keep moving forward, choosing to trust that eventually our new labors will bring reward. Setbacks are temporary if we keep pressing on. Like a seed in the ground, there is pressing, watering, breaking, rooting and eventually pushing upward towards the sun…only to continue require watering, deeper roots, constant nourishing…

Do not give up. Do not give in. Keep investing in that thing you long for in your heart. Don’t give up on your plans for yourself, for as you become a better version of you, others also are inspired and given permission to pursue their own destiny. And if you are feeling discouraged when your outside is slow to catch up, remember that the greatness that resides inside you is still there, even when you think you’re the only one who sees. One day, my friend. One day.