broken. shards. healed.

When you’ve been broken, how do you know when you are “healed?”

Is it when you have completely forgotten what happened? Realized you no longer hate the one(s) who broke you? Let yourself off the hook for being so “dumb?” Moved past the feelings of depression, obsession, or self-rejection?

I’ve started writing a book about my life. There are days now when I really just can’t write down what comes into my head yet – I revisit those moments and know that putting it all down on paper is just too much to sort through yet. Am I still broken??

I think we are all broken. And, that by the time you hit your 40’s, you are beginning to fully own that fact, and love yourself in spite of it. If you are like me, and I would assume a great number of you are, you have experienced a loss or a betrayal, and just when you’ve started to feel whole again, or to trust again, you find yourself flung into either the same situation with a different person, or something new and (not so) exciting to learn to navigate.

The trick at this point, at least as I see it, is in sorting. Sorting what goes where. The who, what, why of it all…

*What did you learn from the situation?

*Had you been there before? If so, why again? What did you not learn the last time?

*Is it possible there is a shift in perspective that needs to take place?

*Have you, or will you, choose forgiveness?

*What needs to change in YOU at this point?

*How are you better, and how has God blessed you through this situation?

These are things I might need to just address through every trip down memory lane. I can’t believe that what I have gone through is merely a casualty of living in a broken world, but that rather every up and down has been allowed as a means to grow and change into the person I was originally designed to be. And that anything that I have walked myself into through stupidity or disobedience will be, or has already been, redeemed by a most gracious and loving God.

So, back to the original thought. I am not sure we are ever completely healed in the way that we would like to be – that would most likely include a scheduled lobotomy. However, I DO believe that healing is a process, and that while we can never go back, what is ahead is greater than anything we could even imagine. And worth ever single broken shard…

heaven

 

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