do you want to be made well?

This is the question Jesus asked of the man at the pool. Surrounded by others crippled by disability or disease, the man who begged from, and relied upon, total strangers for his very existence, was asked something that on the surface, seems the most absurd. (John 5:1-15) And yet, it is a vital and potentially pivotal question we often need to ask of ourselves.

Those of you who have read my blog for a while are privy to my dark season. Actually seasons. Nearly every time I felt I had had a breakthrough, I would shortly find myself sinking back into the miry clay. It seemed more often than not that I would never be able to fully recover or move forward from the darkness that encased my heart and soul. Many times, I allowed the choices of others, or painful memories, to send me reeling backwards.

Sometimes, my own fear and inner dialogue pulled my heart back to the abyss that had become, oddly enough, safe.

Just like the man at the pool of Bethesda, I had become comfortable in my plight.

In order for Jesus to make ME healed, I had to forgive a lot of junk. I had to let go of things that others told me I had the right to hold on to. To be whole, I had to be willing to change the way I process information, communicate, and view myself. How I defined others. I had to change my entire filter system, and let go of thought patterns that had, over time, become second nature.

I had to authentically ask myself in the midst of my tearful prayers and daily ache, do I want to be made well??

Today, I still sometimes struggle to choose the process of renewal. Nearing my 45th birthday, there are many years of old wounds that have been reopened and scarred over and over again. Familiar spirits have assaulted my relationships and areas that should have been let go of have become strongholds once again. Healing is rarely a one-time miracle, but more often than not a series of decisions and breakthrough moments that over time, give birth to the greater depth of self-knowledge, faith and freedom that God promises in His Word.

Only through process, can our roots of faith truly grow deep and our spiritual purpose be made manifest.

Do YOU want to be made well? It will never be easy, but it will always be worth it.

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