it got real

My son is a musician. To be honest, he is brilliant. I can’t even begin to find the words to express how beautiful he is – in style vocally, lyrically… He is a Stevie Ray Vaughan of sorts – the voice of his guitar is undeniable. Self-taught; every note he plays reverberates the very holiness of God.

When I was pregnant with him I would sing over him, pray, play rhythms on my swollen belly, cry lyrics over my sweet boy, in the hopes that he would hear and identify one day with the pain in my heart, the redemption in my faith, and the rhythm of my soul.

As he grew into a man, I watched him pursue relationships with people of all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds, develop a love for words of depth, embrace the sounds of rhythm and blues, walk a life of hope and grit…

… just like his mama.

Tonight I am listening to one of his original songs and my heart could just burst. I cannot find a way to express the faithfulness of my God as I hear in my son’s voice, my very own heart. Having been betrayed in the deepest way a woman can be broken – knowing the awesome power of a redemptive Jesus at a depth few I know can relate to – I am weeping with a gratitude impossible to put to words.

I never thought I would survive that kind of brokenness. There were more years of telling myself every moment to keep breathing, than days of true life. Without my children I know I would not be here. Sincerely.

I never knew that kind of pain existed, to be honest. Eternal emptiness danced with sheer anguish. Who can describe such a thing? And yet, somehow, on the other side, a God who promises to bring something good out of all things for those who love Him raised up in front of me, 4 children who embody a hope I never knew existed.

Wherever you are, please, please know that the God of all creation is not ignorant to your needs, your pain, your hopes … Be encouraged that while you may not be, or have, enough, when you tether yourself to the hope of Christ, He will meet every need and exceed every expectation. There is no greater hope I know than the hope of Jesus Christ.

May you find your peace today.

Shalom.

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