Continuing with the saga of the nutty neighbor and his daily signage change, yesterday Mary’s significant other painted “Mary is a lie” on the roof, and staked a sign out in front that said “Mary eats evil.” Remember a few days ago, he had painted “Mary come home” on the side of his home, and posted a sign that said “Mary eats babies.” Earlier, I had talked about saying one thing, and actions depicting something else.
Today, I began contemplating control.
Not knowing this man, I am not certain of these things being true, but watching desperate pleadings followed by attack, followed again with another plea for his “love” to return, makes me believe he’s a bit of a controller. If you’re good at reading between the lines, faithful readers will have by now come to the realization that I am a bit of an expert when it comes to betrayal and abuse. Not to be dramatic, I just am. Being so, I’m a decent read, and this guy fits the MO like a glove.
Whatever Miss Mary did, it resulted in the majority of her things being thrown into a muddy front yard, followed by accusations of her stealing. Not so many weeks later, came the first (visible) notification of his desire to reconcile, with a sign painted in red and placed by the street, admonishing her return to their little castle. When she didn’t, the accusations began to flow again. You can almost feel the energy building as you drive by – the “romantic” plea that ends in disappointment is reacted to violently. Once the anger subsides, he tries again, only to find tension building again as he continues to be crushed by her decision to not give in to his demands. Being perfectly frank, I have been on both sides of this coin.
As a victim, I have watched as the abuser makes a request, sometimes one that is completely unattainable, only to be violently put back into my place. As a controller, I have struggled with what to do with my hurt and disappointment when the person I loved was not willing to give me what I felt my heart needed. (No…there have not been any crazy postings on my lawn).
At the end of the day, I think we all struggle to some extent with control. It’s hard to let other people be who they are when their values or goals don’t completely line up with ours. The art of loving freely is not part of who we are – it’s a process of learning, trusting, releasing and being completely self-sufficient when it comes to our identity and self-esteem.
Do you need to release someone today? Who is not giving you what you want right now? Have you been clear? Is it fair? Do you need to let it go… Sometimes, the old adage, “if you love them let them go,” is exactly what needs to happen before authentic relationship can begin.