matt. lauer.

Floundering in revelatory wave after wave of sexual misconduct by some of culture’s most revered men, the dialogue seems strangely quiet given the implications of what is actually being revealed.

Years after the sexual revolution, it would appear that we are possibly nearer the dark ages than we have ever been when it comes to the honor and respect women deserve. The bearer of children, champions of marriage and prevailing culture, nurturer of our warrior men and definers of atmosphere are still, and more prevalently, being treated as objects of lust and cheap imitations above the authentic relationships in our own beds.

More today than yesterday (or possibly proportionally the same as in ancient Greek times), many married men still prefer pursuit of casual, throw away sexual contact and conversation above the honor and intimacy with those to whom they have promised to cover, protect and fight for.

Several years ago my therapist shared with me that he didn’t believe in addictions, but rather in distractions. To define something as an addiction is to imply an inability to overcome it – to prophecy a lifelong battle with the darkness from within. It was a large paradigm shift for me, and while I am quite clear on the chemical changes that can cause a physiological dependency on a drug or alcohol, I also see that even the initial indulgence stems from the human brain’s perceived need to have a fix. A distraction from the daily reality of life.

Be it tv, social media, sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, overworking, or… we all have a bent towards trying to find that thing that makes us feel complete. In control. Out of control. Safe. Free.

Whole.

The older I get, the more children I train up, the longer I am married… the more I realize the beauty in what each gender brings to their relationships. The subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, differences between all of us, coupled with our own unique personality traits, is what each of us in community actually needs in order to fulfill our own, and one another’s, call and purpose. To choose to exploit or devalue another human is not only an expression of personal depravity, but a carnal violation of our own souls.

And of those with whom we are in relationship with. Personally and corporately.

For myself, the best response now is self reflection, authentic dialogue, and an opportunity for accountability to those around me. The greatest thing I can ever pass on to my children is personal ownership, respect for others and a strong drive to live life from a position of honor and integrity. What I feed my children, our home, my own mind, via music, media and personal perspective, even on a small scale, can deeply ingrain the correct, or incorrect, intentionality towards others.

At the end of the day, it is important to remember that even when we feel we are “getting away” with something in the natural, that damage is being done in our own souls and in the emotional nuances and atmosphere around us. The greater we love one another, the more likely we are to communicate an expectation for something better than perhaps what we ourselves have experienced, or even previously been guilty of. There is no deeper love than a gentle encouragement to turning back to a life of honor.

And to remember that nothing stays hidden forever…

 

 

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