This past week I had the absolute privilege of spending 7 full days in the Bahamas with my husband. To say I was excited to get away is an understatement, and the chance to go somewhere warm (and mostly on his company’s bill!) was more than I could ask for! We had a great time – both alone and with coworkers, and their wives we rarely get to spend time with.
I made sure to create some time for prayer and meditation during his business meetings. The opportunity to leave common surroundings and daily routines behind opens up many a window into reflection, revelation, and true rest. One of the most significant things I learned about myself was how important my friends and family are to my identity.
One afternoon I was accutely aware of the unspoken tension that occurs every time we spend time with this one particular couple. For years now, every time we are in community, the wife makes it pretty clear that she would prefer to not spend very much time in my presence. I am not exactly sure what the clash is, and while I can certainly understand that some personalities do not mesh well, it is difficult to ignore in such a setting. Knowing so few people, and spending endless hours with someone who doesn’t care for you, is actually quite taxing.
Sometimes I take for granted the quality of the people in my life; so many of them share similar beliefs and values, and conversation flows easily. Our goals to lift up, edify and encourage, one another in the absence of competition and cattiness is sadly, not an atmosphere that everyone has the benefit of experiencing. Upon reflection, I remember how I used to view other women as competition and often found, and voiced out loud, the flaws I perceived in others.
It was a tremendously lonely place.
Which brings me back to my revelation – here I was in paradise, with the love of my life and ample opportunity for sheer joy, and I found myself feeling lonely and not myself. What I realized more intimately is the truth that women are relational beings. Who we surround ourselves with, plays a significant role not only in our identity, but in the very lense through which we see and process our reality.
I am grateful. So blessed. Upon return from Nassau, we got right back into the groove at church and I cried all during worship. It feels so good when you know that you are where you’re meant to be. Time away is always good, but I live in the revelation that this is where God is working out in me who He has called me to be. It might be a little cooler and a little less sunny here, but there is no place I would rather spend my days….