This morning I am overwhelmed. There are no tears, only a deep longing and ache for those things of which I have boldly presented, wholly, completely, and seemingly invisibly upon the altar of God.
Broken dreams. A scarred heart. Shattered ideals in the wake of the selfishness and depravity of those to whom I have committed myself to.
Almost an out of body experience, it is as though my very soul is diminishing beneath the weight of things that seem they will never be, to the point where I am not even certain I recognize the voice or face of the one I have known my whole life.
It is in these spaces where the only direction I can look is up. To dive into the internal would be to never return, and to look horizontally is to be disillusioned by the inadequate compassion of those with a narrow understanding, often overshadowed by their own preconceived notions and human shortcomings. Worse yet, to be rejected altogether by those who would judge, or call my weakness out as an inability to walk in faith – like Job, accused of suffering by way of lack of repentance, or unwillingness to learn the lesson meant for me in this season.
The reality for me is that there are crossroads in life when I am allowed the opportunity to judge for myself whether or not the salvation of Christ, a relationship with the Creator of the universe, is sufficient. A friend’s dad once told me, wisely, that people will always disappoint us, but that God never will. Oh, how that truth is more apparent to me now than ever.
No one is exempt from being the instrument of harm.
In the light of this truth, how much more valuable is our faith? How infinite is our need to find that truth which would recalibrate our life? The truth, is, that I am not an accident. My life is not inconsequential. God is not unaware and in due season, all of my questions, doubts and fear will wane in the glory is His timely and loving answer.
Overwhelmed by love.