Having been personally broken by infidelity, and more than once, I’m sure you can imagine I may face difficulty in finding grace for the “other woman.” One may assume I would be bitter, a little hard, quick to judge and slow to forgive. To be certain, there are days it absolutely breaks my heart when thoughts drift to those moments of sheer angst and absolute desolation. The twist, however, is the love and friendship I have with those who have themselves been the destroyer of relationships.
Infidelity plunders. From everyone involved.
I remember one conversation had years ago with one such woman who had dated, and subsequently broken up, a marriage between two people and their two children. The unfaithful husband had told her they were already separated…that the wife was using the kids as collateral to “keep” him. She had justified her wanton ways by choosing to believe the wife was the issue, and I wondered why it never occurred to her that if this man could not do the right thing and manage his own affairs in order to treat this young woman with the honor and respect SHE deserved, how he could ever be man enough for her.
Ladies, don’t ever settle for sloppy seconds. Don’t “fall” for a man who already “promised” himself to someone else; who has to dishonor his wife and spiritual half to convince you to love him. Never believe for a second that you are more woman and can love him better, for in the end, the issue is neither you nor the wife. The issue is his own failure to be the fullness of who HE was designed to be. You are not better, and she is not less – the liar in the middle does not respect either. Ultimately, he does not respect himself.
New Year’s Day, so many years ago, I received a cell phone call from a woman who had robbed from me. She called to apologize, and we ended up having multiple conversations over the next few years until she confessed that speaking with me made it too hard to put the past behind her. It was a healing season, and I learned some extremely valuable things about her, that helped me learn more about myself, and about “him.”
* She and I are remarkably similar in passions, vision, personality and personal goals. We even worked in similar fields. He pursued what he already had.
* She is a delightful, highly intelligent, extremely valuable woman. So am I.
* She is someone I would be friends with. And I her.
* We are equals; I was not abandoned because she was better than me. I am not better than her.
* She quite possibly had/has more healing to do than I do. Sadly, he has more than either of us.
* Praying for her brings me great peace. And restoration.
* We are equally broken, similarly wounded, each striving to achieve those things we most cherish.
* We both fall short. A lot.
Ladies, we are on the same team. We are so much stronger, today and into our tomorrows, when we nurture and encourage one another in our personal journeys instead of selfishly living in a way that derails others from their purpose. Men, the same goes for you. The root of this entire struggle is a lack of purpose, an inability to fully recognize, own, and pursue our God-given potential and settling for what is easy, accessible, worldly, pleasurable and temporary. Sadly, though, everyone ends up short-changed, and the chasm that remains is never fully reconciled. Ultimately, we are all broken. To point, accuse and hate will foster more of the same. Grace and forgiveness, nestled in between understanding and integrity, will go a long way in fostering a better outcome for all.
I posted a link to a song that brings me great rest. When the struggles and chaos of this life threaten to swallow me up whole, the only thing I can do is to run to the peace that my God provides. Never forget who, and whose you are. We are all in this together.