It’s been a week since our governor made the announcement that our students would finish out the 2019-2020 school year from home. To be perfectly honest, it still makes my stomach churn and a lump begins to form in my throat every time I think about it. It’s been 7 days since I have blogged as well – to be frank, I have been a bit blue.
As a person who always hopes and seeks the blessing and the breakthrough at every turn, it’s a tough pill to swallow when you realize that this is our reality – high school seniors not finishing up their year with friends, athletes missing their last season before college, or ever, little missing precious time with friends, teachers and admin who have worked so hard to establish trust, kids with abusive homes not having a safe space to go …
Then there are all the financial challenges. Adult issues. Lost wages. Bills piling up. Compounded with the truth that many are gaining and using this season to promote their personal, professional and political agendas while Americans are suffering…
It’s sobering. Angering. And, there is nothing we can do.
But is there? Is there a silver lining? In the past week I have had some very interesting conversations. Dialogue which has forced me to once again face some challenges I have been avoiding. Feelings and inner workings that I find a little harder to escape in the multiplied hours spent at home. Somehow it seems more difficult to ignore and stuff emotions at home.
I am facing the truth that I need to work on myself. To prioritize. To deal with and face some things which have been out of balance for a while. Most of my excuses and opportunities for denial have been sufficiently shattered, and I find myself alone in front of a very, large, mirror.
For three days now I am wallowing – sadness. disappointment. woundedness. I have been unwilling to face the truth that some people don’t truly want relationship – they want a scapegoat for their own issues. Some really cannot offer more than they do, and it’s my own unmet expectations that send me reeling. My leniency in holding those around me accountable for how they treat me has reached a boiling point and there are no more lies to hide behind. No more busy days affording me a little more time to pretend.
This past week in my bible study we studied Sarah in the old testament. What stood out to me so clearly today was that when God promised Z, the expectation what that first obedience looked like X. We simply cannot go about our lives consistently in a manner of disobedience and lazy self indulgence and expect God to move. When Abraham and Sarah were called out of their home, and into the land God promised, they left ALL they knew – family, culture, possessions, comfort, patterns and habits that had brought them to where they were. To leave meant learning new ways of doing everything.
Therein lies the promise.
Change is massively uncomfortable. For all of us. And yet without change, without growth, without shedding those things which no longer serve us, we simply cannot reach forward and move to the next thing the Lord has for us. While this season is so very hard some days, it absolutely is the greatest opportunity that I have probably ever had thus far to take the time and create space for God to lead me into new things.
Let us be strengthened, shaken up, stirred to new things. Re-prioritize, regroup. May we recognize the season we are in and face each day with a fresh hope and clear perspective.
May the force be with us all.